he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
