day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
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Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
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I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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