Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My penis needs a shock collar
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
