Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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