We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
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I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
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Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories