Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...