have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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