Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
