Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize