He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.