Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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