If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize