The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
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Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just want to make out with him forever
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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