I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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