apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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