I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
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Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
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How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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