Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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