I wish I could punch you in the face.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
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just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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