I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
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Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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