At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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