So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
