There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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