i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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