I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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