I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize