You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
