drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
