May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize