I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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