brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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