90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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