I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
