We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize