is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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