i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I AM VODKA MAN
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
