I am in a vortex of obligation.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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