I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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