brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
