one two three fourrrrnication!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The beer is more important than you right now.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sorry my hands just texted you
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
