dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.