And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.