Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
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you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
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Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt