You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
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Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.