Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty