after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my shit smells like andre
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.