I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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