she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We have so much sex to catch up on
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
