9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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