bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
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She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
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I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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