threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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