Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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