I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize