I should be sponsored by Trojan
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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