Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
