I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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