Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
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I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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