I wish I could teleport
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
how does that bad decision feel?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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